5 Things I've Learned about Myself in the Past Couple of Weeks

1) I've learned that my dissertation is like a layered cake. Each chapter is a necessary layer that builds on the next. If I'm doing a teacher-research study on an Afrocentric curriculum, I need a) a chapter that provides a context for how Afrocentricity (vis a vis Ebonics) is situated in education, sociolinguistics, and rhetoric and composition scholarship; b) a pedagogical chapter that describes my Afrocentric pedagogical practices and the theoretical rationales for implementation; c) a methodological chapter that uses previous teacher-research studies on Afrocentricity and Ebonics to demonstrate how my teacher-research study builds on them; and d) chapters that discuss my data results on African American students and all students. (Of course there's a conclusion that I'm still working out.)

2) I've learned not to take on projects where people easily lose interest and expect other people to do the work for them. I have a dissertation to write!

3) I've learned not to apologize for being MIA. I have a dissertation to write!

4) I've learned that support and mentorship is irrespective of race, class, or gender. The people you think are least likely to help you with your work are the ones who've been the most helpful and influential.

5) I've learned not to buy clothes when you're bloated and it's humid. I bought two dresses that fit on Thursday only to find that they were too big by Saturday. At least I got the $241 bucks I spent on them back.

My Struggle with (Afra)Feminism

Several of you have asked about the status of my dissertation (since you've asked, the dissertation process is going well. I've drafted three chapters, and plan to draft much more. These chapters are still rough, but nonetheless, they are drafted). Originally, I created this blog to reflect on that process; however, the blog developed more as a reflection on life (the academy, teaching, food, family, friends, etc. etc.) more broadly. This happened for several reasons.

First, the dissertation process is so grueling and tiring that I haven't really had much energy to reflect on what I've written; the only energy I've had quite frankly is to write the darn thing! I may plan to reflect a bit more on this progress once it's over, but not as much now.

Second, the scope of the dissertation has changed, not dramatically, but significantly. I am no longer devoting a chapter to the study of Black women's linguistic and rhetorical practices, and thus, am not really focusing on Afrafeminism anymore. The reason for this is not because I no longer see myself as an Afrafeminist scholar (I *think I still am), but because doing a teacher-research dissertation on Black women's practices, Black students' practices, and all students' writing practices in an Afracentric designed curriculum is way too much.

Further, I haven't developed a valid or sufficient response for focusing exclusively on Black women and not Black men. (Afra)feminist ideologies seem to suggest that devoting women their own space is ethical, and perhaps, it's sexist to be forced to justify and explain the exclusion of men. That may in part be true. But, when doing research using social science methods, as a researcher, I have to admit that I have a sampling problem (even with qualitative methods). The study would be valid if I ONLY focused on black women. But the study doesn't do that: If I'm focusing on different samples of one population of students in one classroom, as a researcher, I need to account for each of those samples in some meaningful way.

Focusing on Black women, Blacks in general, and all students also creates a sampling problem because when focusing on Black women, how do I compare their practices if I don't focus on Black men? If one of my original research questions concerned what common linguistic and rhetorical practices that Black women share, I can't answer that question (at least sufficiently and in the way I want to) without comparing them to the practices of Black men in some way. In other words, how do I know that Black women's practices are/aren't reflected by a racialized or gendered discourse? I don't without addressing the brothas somehow.

Some might still argue that I don't really need African American women to make an Afrafeminist argument, since I can still draw on Afrafeminist methods (including devotion to careful analysis, commitment to ethical obligations, inclusion/collaboration/participation from participants, etc.; also see Jacqueline Jones Royster's Traces of a Stream: Literacy and Social Change Among African American Women for a complete list of these methods). But even when using these methods, combined with Afracentric pedagogies and methodologies, I believe the focus is still too large. At this point in the game, I'm less interested in complexity and making some groundbreaking contribution to rhetoric and composition. In a dissertation space, that just ain't gon' happen! I'm more interested in a neat and tidy study on one classroom, using one curriculum, using a few methods, etc. That way, at least the study will make sense.

I'm okay with leaving behind Afrafeminism for now. After all, I have the rest of my career to devote to it if I'm still passionate about this area of scholarship. And, later on this year, I'll have an article published in Composition Forum that discusses using an Afrafeminist lens as a pedagogy in graduate level rhetoric and compositon special topics courses. So, it's still a part of my disciplinary identity.

I'm also still grappling with my understanding of its application in my life beyond the academy. See, I just read Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man (I loved it BTW!!), and have realized that as independent Black women (and Afrafeminists) we have to be careful alienating men. Now, if as an independent Black woman, you're fine being without a heterosexual partner, then this obviously doesn't apply to you, and I applaud your indendependence. But, if you're not, then as Steve Harvey writes, men will feel that if you've got everything covered, there's no need for them, and you'll therefore find yourself independent and alone. As an Afrafeminist, surprisingly, I wasn't offended by this comment. I really don't find anything wrong with recognizing the need for your partner/spouse, a need that should also be reciprocated by your partner/spouse, certainly. Afterall, while us Afrafeminsts may do all of these wonderful, exceptionally smart, and independent things, can't we also acknowledge the support that our spouses give as we continue to do such work? At this point in my life, I don't mind admitting that I need my husband's support (especially as I dissertate! LOL!), and that he needs me too. Isn't that what a strong relationship is supposed to be about?

Toward an Afrafeminist Teacher-Research Methodology

Last week I met with Grabill to talk about the methodologies I'm trying to use in my dissertation. Grabill always gives me a sense of clarity when I'm trying to flesh out research (and gets REALLY geeked when having any conversation that has to do with methdology. Huge shout-out to him). I say methodologies because I am doing three different teacher-research studies in three different chapters of my diss. One chapter focuses on the literacy histories and linguistic practices of African American students (male and female). Another focuses exclusively on those practices employed by African American female students, and the other focuses on how all students understand Ebonics in Composition Studies. The conversation Grabill and I had about methodology and my proposed chapters went somethin' like this (I'm paraphrasing):

Grabill: Where's your methodology chapter?

Me: what?

Grabill: Your methodology chpater?

Me: I have several -- Each study is a different methodology, therefore I can't just have one methodology chapter.

Grabill: Why is that?

Me: Because how can I describe one methodology with 3 different studies?

Grabill: You're thinking about the methods used in each of these studies. Look at it not in terms of the different studies, but in terms of the methodology under which these 3 studies fall.

Me: Oh?

Grabill: You talk about Afrafeminist methods in your studies, and you define teacher-research a particular way, so that's your methodology.

Me: Oh. Since teacher-research typically (if it is at all) talked about in the context of Afrafeminism, then I need to define what Afrafeminst teacher-research looks like.

Grabill: That's where I see your work contributing to the field.

Me. Now the challenge will be to explain coherently what that looks like.

Grabill: Yep. That's your methodology chapter.

Me: so I have to add a chapter.

Grabill: Yes. You'll have six chapters instead of five.

Sigh.

Second Qualifying Exam Submitted!

I just turned in my second qualifying exam (what our R&W Program calls the PhD Concentration exam), an exam that is designed to demonstrate specialized knowledge of the field. I wrote my exam based on the arguments I intend to make in Chapter 1 of my dissertation, "Teacher-Research Don't Die: Pedagogical and Methodological Implications for Those Wishing to Do Afracentric Work." Pheww! I'm already tired just writing the title! But I'm glad to be done and have this out of the way, even though I could've picked a better due date, since I'm helping Nancy, Collin and Steve run new TA orientation for instructors teaching in our Tier I Writing Program this week.

I found this exam to be quite easier than the general field-base exam (what we call the core exam). So hopefully I've done a better job (BTW I did pass the core exam). The next step after the concentration exam is the dissertation prospectus. I'm pleased at my progress though (even though the prospectus isn't due quite yet ) because I've already received IRB approval to begin conducting data prior to my prospectus defense. My fingers are crossed...

PC